Eternally
by: Crimson Flower
As I alight the plane, all could ever think about was her. Years have passed yet she's still on my mind. I wanted to see her again and hug her. Riding the taxi back to my hometown, I recalled the days we've spent together, the joys, the sadness, the fights and the day she left me.
It all started when we were in second year high school. She was a transferee at our school. She had a long black hair which shines as the ray of light touches it, a small, calm face, thin lips, a beautiful nose, but most of all, a heart of gold. She immediately became popular with the guys, but she never bragged about it. Never did she shove them away. She would always help people around her. What can I say? She’s also a smart girl, the top of the class.
I was at the library then looking for the reference book our teacher asked us to look into. “Where is it?” I said in a husky voice, “The librarian said that it should be around here. Since it was nowhere to be found, I gave up looking for it and sat on one of the chairs. I rested my chin on my hand and accidentally looked across. She was there holding the book I was looking for. Spacing out, I didn’t notice that she was calling me. “Roan?” she asked, “Roan...?” I came to my senses embarrassed. To tell you the truth, I did have a crush on her. “Hi Beatrice,” I answered. I blush a little and hid my face with my arms. “What are you doing?” she asked while faintly giggling. “Nothing,” I answered. “You want to use this book?” she asked referring to the book I was looking for earlier. “Actually, I do. I need it for the work Ma’am Jessica asked us to do.” I answered. We’re actually from different class. As I mentioned earlier, she’s from the top class and I wasn’t so lucky to belong there. “I know! Since I’ve taken down some notes, why don’t you come to my house and let’s exchange some ideas.” she suggested to me. To tell you the truth, I was shocked to hear that from her, but I immediately obliged.
We walked home together later that day. “Roan, what do you like about a girl?” she asked. “Someone who’s a good cook will be nice. She should also be able to do the laundry very well. Ah! She should also be able to keep the house real clean.” I answered with a grin. “Are you looking for a wife or a maid?” she answered in a low voice. “I was just kidding.” I replied laughing as we went to our way. We finally arrived at her house. I immediately greeted her mother, Mrs. Blanc. Her father died while she was still young, but I didn’t know the details. This must have pushed her to study hard for her mother.
We proceeded into her bedroom. We started to exchange our ideas about the work given to us. As we were doing our work, she started to speak. “Roan, about my question earlier.” she said. “What about it?” I replied. “What do you really like about a girl?” she asked again. I was hesitant to answer first. I couldn’t honestly say what I really like about a girl. Then, I got the courage. “I like girls with dreams, girls who can stand up even by herself, a girl who will make me happy even through the greatest storm, a girl... like you.” I told her. It took me seconds before I realized what I’ve just said. I immediately ran out of their house and rushed back to my home and straight into my room. I couldn’t believe what just happened. I confessed right in front of her without even realizing it.
Since then, I felt awkward towards her. I would avoid crossing path with her. I felt like an idiot. These awkward moments went on for a year, a year without communication, a year of loneliness.
Third year came and coincidentally, I was able to make it in top class. When I found this out, she immediately came into my mind. The girl I’ve been avoiding for the past year the girl to whom I confessed my feeling, but can’t stand up for it. I was anxious to go at the first day of school; I didn’t want to see her. I really thought I wouldn’t miss her, but she didn’t attend the class for half a month. I wondered why, but didn’t put much thought to it. I thought that she might have been out on vacation and wasn’t able to make it early.
When she finally did attend class, I was the first one she approached. “Congratulations,” she said “I’m glad that you’re able to be here in this class. You must have been working hard.” “Thanks,” I replied “it was nice seeing you, too.” There had been a vacant seat beside mine, but I never thought that it was hers. We ended up being seatmates. “I knew you could make it if you tried.” she said “I’m really glad that you’re here. Now we can see each other more often.” now with a smile. Our relationship as friends grew throughout this year in contrast to last year. This was also the year when I was able to court her. I never thought that she would give me a hard time before becoming my girlfriend.
The year ended and summer came. The day of her eighteenth birthday is coming near. She asked me to become her eighteenth rose. I happily accepted her offer not because I want to be there in one of the special moment of our life. The day came and little did I know that it’s the same day when she would approve my love. As the celebration is nearing the end, she grabbed me by the hand and dragged me up the stage. “May I have everyone’s attention please?” she said to the crowd. “I would like every one of you to meet my boyfriend, Roan.” I couldn’t utter a single world. It’s as if the whole world slowed down. No, it’s as if it stopped. I could hear the beating of my heart. This is one of the happiest days of my life.
Many happened during our fourth year. We talked about our future, I was given a scholarship to a big university abroad and... she left me. “I want to have a big family. Four children would be enough.” I told her. “Yeah... Children.” She answered. “What’s wrong? Don’t you want to have any children?” I asked. “Of course I do. It’s all I’ve wanted to have, children.” She replied. “And I also like us to be together until we’re wrinkled and have white hairs.” I told her slightly laughing. She didn’t reply for a while. Then, she said, “Roan, I have to go now. See you later.” “I love you.” I said. “I love you, too.” She replied. Honestly, this conversation troubled me. I felt that something’s not right.
I received the scholarship proposal given to me by a popular university abroad. I was happy that I will be able to study in a good school, but I also felt that I couldn’t leave Beatrice behind, I was afraid that this will break our relationship. I never want to go. I never told her about it.
The saddest day came. She called me and said that she wanted to talk with me. She told me to wait at the park. Then, she came. “Roan I’m sorry, but I have to leave you.” she said. This made my body stiff from where I was sitting. I couldn’t understand why she’s saying these words. “Beatrice, but why?” I finally uttered. “I love someone.” she replied. “WHO?! Tell me. Who is he, Beatrice?” I shouted at her. “He’s a man with an ambition, a man who will someday be someone. That’s the man I love, Roan.” She said to me, “I’m sorry Roan, but I never want to see you again.” She left me. She just stood up and walked away, never to look back at me. I couldn’t move from where I’m sitting. I stayed there looking at nowhere.
She never came to class anymore. “She meant what she said.” I thought to myself. I never did see her again. I accepted the scholarship and left the country in order to forget about her, forget about everything, the happiness, sadness, everything.
“Sir, we’re here.” the taxi driver said, bringing me back to reality. I greeted everyone from home and talked about what I’ve been missing. I still wanted to see Beatrice even after all these years. When I mentioned about Beatrice, everyone became silent. “Roan, didn’t you know?” my mom said, “Beatrice died a long time ago.” I couldn’t believe it. The reason I came back was long gone. I immediately went to her house, but I only saw her mother. “Mrs. Blanc, where’s Beatrice?” I asked still denying the truth. Mrs. Blanc came into tears. “Roan, Beatrice, she... she had always loved you.” she said with teary eyes. “She wanted you to become successful. She never wanted to be a burden to you.” “I can’t understand? What do you mean?” I asked with tears starting to show. “Beatrice, she knew that you got a scholarship and knew that you wouldn’t want to go because of her, but Roan, Beatrice was dying. She had been afflicted by cancer ever since she was a child, the same ailment that took her father’s life away.” I fell on my knees, now crying. I couldn’t believe that all of this is happening. “Roan, Beatrice wanted you to have this.” Mrs. Blanc said handing over a piece of letter:
---------------
Doctor Roan,
By the team you read this, I’m no longer with this world. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused for all those years you’re gone. Please understand that I’ve done this because I want you to be happy, to have a family. Remember the time when we’re talking about the children you want to have? I really wanted to have them, but it pains me to realize that I cannot give them to you. My body had become frail from all the year this sickness burdens me. I knew you got a scholarship, your mom told me; please don’t be angry at her. She didn’t know that you haven’t told me about it. I’ve been waiting for you to tell it to me yourself, but I realized that the reason you didn’t want to tell me about it is because you don’t want me to feel disappointed about you. The day I left you, I told you that I love a man, a man with ambition, a man who will someday become someone. That man is you, Roan, the man I love with all my heart, the man that I wanted to be happy.
Eternally Yours,
Beatrice
P.S. I love You
---------------
By reading her smudged letter, I realized that she had always been with me all this time. I was able to make it this far because of her guidance. Beatrice never left me, she just merely hid herself and helped me through the right path from afar.
Now, as I stand near her grave, I looked up in the sky. It is as clear as I first met her, but it didn’t prevent me from shedding a tear. A tear of joy which marks the day that I will take care of the dream Beatrice had given to me.
by: Crimson Flower
As I alight the plane, all could ever think about was her. Years have passed yet she's still on my mind. I wanted to see her again and hug her. Riding the taxi back to my hometown, I recalled the days we've spent together, the joys, the sadness, the fights and the day she left me.
It all started when we were in second year high school. She was a transferee at our school. She had a long black hair which shines as the ray of light touches it, a small, calm face, thin lips, a beautiful nose, but most of all, a heart of gold. She immediately became popular with the guys, but she never bragged about it. Never did she shove them away. She would always help people around her. What can I say? She’s also a smart girl, the top of the class.
I was at the library then looking for the reference book our teacher asked us to look into. “Where is it?” I said in a husky voice, “The librarian said that it should be around here. Since it was nowhere to be found, I gave up looking for it and sat on one of the chairs. I rested my chin on my hand and accidentally looked across. She was there holding the book I was looking for. Spacing out, I didn’t notice that she was calling me. “Roan?” she asked, “Roan...?” I came to my senses embarrassed. To tell you the truth, I did have a crush on her. “Hi Beatrice,” I answered. I blush a little and hid my face with my arms. “What are you doing?” she asked while faintly giggling. “Nothing,” I answered. “You want to use this book?” she asked referring to the book I was looking for earlier. “Actually, I do. I need it for the work Ma’am Jessica asked us to do.” I answered. We’re actually from different class. As I mentioned earlier, she’s from the top class and I wasn’t so lucky to belong there. “I know! Since I’ve taken down some notes, why don’t you come to my house and let’s exchange some ideas.” she suggested to me. To tell you the truth, I was shocked to hear that from her, but I immediately obliged.
We walked home together later that day. “Roan, what do you like about a girl?” she asked. “Someone who’s a good cook will be nice. She should also be able to do the laundry very well. Ah! She should also be able to keep the house real clean.” I answered with a grin. “Are you looking for a wife or a maid?” she answered in a low voice. “I was just kidding.” I replied laughing as we went to our way. We finally arrived at her house. I immediately greeted her mother, Mrs. Blanc. Her father died while she was still young, but I didn’t know the details. This must have pushed her to study hard for her mother.
We proceeded into her bedroom. We started to exchange our ideas about the work given to us. As we were doing our work, she started to speak. “Roan, about my question earlier.” she said. “What about it?” I replied. “What do you really like about a girl?” she asked again. I was hesitant to answer first. I couldn’t honestly say what I really like about a girl. Then, I got the courage. “I like girls with dreams, girls who can stand up even by herself, a girl who will make me happy even through the greatest storm, a girl... like you.” I told her. It took me seconds before I realized what I’ve just said. I immediately ran out of their house and rushed back to my home and straight into my room. I couldn’t believe what just happened. I confessed right in front of her without even realizing it.
Since then, I felt awkward towards her. I would avoid crossing path with her. I felt like an idiot. These awkward moments went on for a year, a year without communication, a year of loneliness.
Third year came and coincidentally, I was able to make it in top class. When I found this out, she immediately came into my mind. The girl I’ve been avoiding for the past year the girl to whom I confessed my feeling, but can’t stand up for it. I was anxious to go at the first day of school; I didn’t want to see her. I really thought I wouldn’t miss her, but she didn’t attend the class for half a month. I wondered why, but didn’t put much thought to it. I thought that she might have been out on vacation and wasn’t able to make it early.
When she finally did attend class, I was the first one she approached. “Congratulations,” she said “I’m glad that you’re able to be here in this class. You must have been working hard.” “Thanks,” I replied “it was nice seeing you, too.” There had been a vacant seat beside mine, but I never thought that it was hers. We ended up being seatmates. “I knew you could make it if you tried.” she said “I’m really glad that you’re here. Now we can see each other more often.” now with a smile. Our relationship as friends grew throughout this year in contrast to last year. This was also the year when I was able to court her. I never thought that she would give me a hard time before becoming my girlfriend.
The year ended and summer came. The day of her eighteenth birthday is coming near. She asked me to become her eighteenth rose. I happily accepted her offer not because I want to be there in one of the special moment of our life. The day came and little did I know that it’s the same day when she would approve my love. As the celebration is nearing the end, she grabbed me by the hand and dragged me up the stage. “May I have everyone’s attention please?” she said to the crowd. “I would like every one of you to meet my boyfriend, Roan.” I couldn’t utter a single world. It’s as if the whole world slowed down. No, it’s as if it stopped. I could hear the beating of my heart. This is one of the happiest days of my life.
Many happened during our fourth year. We talked about our future, I was given a scholarship to a big university abroad and... she left me. “I want to have a big family. Four children would be enough.” I told her. “Yeah... Children.” She answered. “What’s wrong? Don’t you want to have any children?” I asked. “Of course I do. It’s all I’ve wanted to have, children.” She replied. “And I also like us to be together until we’re wrinkled and have white hairs.” I told her slightly laughing. She didn’t reply for a while. Then, she said, “Roan, I have to go now. See you later.” “I love you.” I said. “I love you, too.” She replied. Honestly, this conversation troubled me. I felt that something’s not right.
I received the scholarship proposal given to me by a popular university abroad. I was happy that I will be able to study in a good school, but I also felt that I couldn’t leave Beatrice behind, I was afraid that this will break our relationship. I never want to go. I never told her about it.
The saddest day came. She called me and said that she wanted to talk with me. She told me to wait at the park. Then, she came. “Roan I’m sorry, but I have to leave you.” she said. This made my body stiff from where I was sitting. I couldn’t understand why she’s saying these words. “Beatrice, but why?” I finally uttered. “I love someone.” she replied. “WHO?! Tell me. Who is he, Beatrice?” I shouted at her. “He’s a man with an ambition, a man who will someday be someone. That’s the man I love, Roan.” She said to me, “I’m sorry Roan, but I never want to see you again.” She left me. She just stood up and walked away, never to look back at me. I couldn’t move from where I’m sitting. I stayed there looking at nowhere.
She never came to class anymore. “She meant what she said.” I thought to myself. I never did see her again. I accepted the scholarship and left the country in order to forget about her, forget about everything, the happiness, sadness, everything.
“Sir, we’re here.” the taxi driver said, bringing me back to reality. I greeted everyone from home and talked about what I’ve been missing. I still wanted to see Beatrice even after all these years. When I mentioned about Beatrice, everyone became silent. “Roan, didn’t you know?” my mom said, “Beatrice died a long time ago.” I couldn’t believe it. The reason I came back was long gone. I immediately went to her house, but I only saw her mother. “Mrs. Blanc, where’s Beatrice?” I asked still denying the truth. Mrs. Blanc came into tears. “Roan, Beatrice, she... she had always loved you.” she said with teary eyes. “She wanted you to become successful. She never wanted to be a burden to you.” “I can’t understand? What do you mean?” I asked with tears starting to show. “Beatrice, she knew that you got a scholarship and knew that you wouldn’t want to go because of her, but Roan, Beatrice was dying. She had been afflicted by cancer ever since she was a child, the same ailment that took her father’s life away.” I fell on my knees, now crying. I couldn’t believe that all of this is happening. “Roan, Beatrice wanted you to have this.” Mrs. Blanc said handing over a piece of letter:
---------------
Doctor Roan,
By the team you read this, I’m no longer with this world. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused for all those years you’re gone. Please understand that I’ve done this because I want you to be happy, to have a family. Remember the time when we’re talking about the children you want to have? I really wanted to have them, but it pains me to realize that I cannot give them to you. My body had become frail from all the year this sickness burdens me. I knew you got a scholarship, your mom told me; please don’t be angry at her. She didn’t know that you haven’t told me about it. I’ve been waiting for you to tell it to me yourself, but I realized that the reason you didn’t want to tell me about it is because you don’t want me to feel disappointed about you. The day I left you, I told you that I love a man, a man with ambition, a man who will someday become someone. That man is you, Roan, the man I love with all my heart, the man that I wanted to be happy.
Eternally Yours,
Beatrice
P.S. I love You
---------------
By reading her smudged letter, I realized that she had always been with me all this time. I was able to make it this far because of her guidance. Beatrice never left me, she just merely hid herself and helped me through the right path from afar.
Now, as I stand near her grave, I looked up in the sky. It is as clear as I first met her, but it didn’t prevent me from shedding a tear. A tear of joy which marks the day that I will take care of the dream Beatrice had given to me.
